Welcome to Wild Card Wednesday. I had another post planned and written for today, but I’ve got something else to talk about. This is not my usual fare, but is instead what passes for deep thoughts with me. Today, I’m talking about life and what I’ve learned so far.
Knowing it all
Life seems like never ending circle. As a little girl, I thought I’d know everything when I became an adult. Of course, I thought “old” was twenty-five. So adult happened some time before that. And, of course, you were dead by the time you were thirty. Right?
By the time I was twenty, I knew adult mistakes got me were just kid mistakes times ten. Extracting myself from whatever morass of craziness I’d wandered into was crazy scary. And the consequences. Yikes.
Life is for Learning
Now—and I’m not going to tell y’all how old I am—I have a different outlook. I reflect on that line from “Woodstock” that says “I don’t know who I am, but life is for learning.” Each year that passes, I find more truth in that line.
If you watch the video, look at the screen at 3:09. That always makes me smile.
Back to learning. If I don’t learn something new every day, I wonder if I’ve died and just don’t know it yet.
Don’t get me wrong. Learning these lessons is not always fun. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, expensive, or just inconvenient. Other times it’s heartbreaking. There are times it’s discouraging. Every once in a while, it’s funny.
The Funny
Tuesday, I needed to have a minor alteration made on an accessory. It was the kind of thing they do while you wait.
Ten minutes later, I had the item in hand. I asked what I owed. Five dollars. But only if I had cash. If I had to write a check or use my debit card, it was ten dollars.
Since I had two bucks on me, the alteration was ten dollars. Worth every penny to me. I could tell, however, that the guy who did my alteration was put out with me.
I was sorry I didn’t get to save five dollars, but it wasn’t the end of the world to me. If that were my business, I’d charge a minimum $10 for every transaction. I left smiling.
Lesson learned: I probably should get $20 cash to carry around with me. There are places that really won’t take a check or debit card. This time I just got lucky.
It hit me on the way home that twenty years ago I’d have been livid over the price of my alteration doubling. Twenty years of rough road has taught me that it’s too much effort to get upset unless it’s really worth it.
I am still amused at how it cost me extra money not to have any cash.
When it ain’t a bit funny
Sometimes it doesn’t end that happily. There are times when my bad judgement hurts others. The guilt I feel at these times is paralyzing. But these are also lessons for me. I analyze what went wrong and file it away for future use. I make a point to do better.
Life is a learn-as-you go proposition. The moderately hard lessons leave tattoos on your soul. The silly lessons are good for a laugh. The hardest lessons sometimes have to be buried and bricked over. They hurt too bad to do anything else with them.
The Toll of Hard Lessons
Those hard lessons have taken a lot of the fight out of me. Each year that passes, I find less and less to get worked up over. It just isn’t worth my time and energy.
But on the other hand, I take a lot less crap than I used to. I am not shy about pulling the plug on foolishness. To paraphrase Stevie Nicks, time really does make you bolder. When it’s time to walk away, I do it without hesitation or apology.
The Bottom Line
The biggest lesson: life is what you make of it.
We all have successes. We all have failures. The point for me has been paying enough attention to learn from both successes and failures.
Learning to see the good in the little things and be grateful for them is big. Learning to let bad stuff go is bigger.
(Confession: that last one still gives me trouble sometimes)
Some Things Stay The Same
Many things have changed for me over the years.
But one thing remains the same. Twenty five years ago, I wanted to go back in time so I could go Woodstock (August of 1969). I’d still do that in a heartbeat.
Of course, when I first wished I had been at Woodstock, I wouldn’t have been one of those naked people in that pond. Now I would be.
Life is too short not to do it all. Time is ticking away…
Floor is open. Share your life lessons. Or tell me what hasn’t changed about you. Or tell me what you still want to do.
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Barbara Silkstone said:
Catie, I absolutely love this piece. It’s beautifully written and holds a wealth of advice. I am happily sharing this post. Thank you!
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Catie Rhodes said:
I’m so glad you liked it Barbara–especially after you made a point to ask me to send you the link. Thanks so much for your comment.
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William Simon said:
Lesson #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Lesson #2: It’s ALL small stuff.
Take lessons from your dog:
1) It’s okay to miss the bed on the first jump. Just rear back and jump again.
2) Food is good. A safe warm place to sleep is good. Ear scratches and tummy rubs are good. Put them all together, you have a Home. (Actually, I’ve concluded those three things are about all ANY of us really want.)
There is a tremendous difference between giving up and having had enough. Know the difference, accept the fact the sometimes Life requires you to move on, and things improve.
Finally (and my mother would shriek at full volume if she were still with us), I learned the Big Secret of Life from a James Bond movie (CASINO ROYALE). “Take your ego out of the equation.” When I heard that in the film, I sat bolt upright in my theater seat, and thought for a moment I had actually heard a ‘click’ when it snapped into my brain. It’s true; no matter what the situation, take your ego OUT of the equation, and the solution/answers will be amazingly clear.
At least, it’s been working for me….:)
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Catie Rhodes said:
All good advice, William. I have heard variations of “leave your ego out of it” for a while now. And it is good advice. If you can manage to follow it, it will keep you out of trouble.
Dogs are great teachers. They don’t sweat the small stuff. They know what’s important and what’s not. They’re never embarrassed to have fun or afraid to love with all their hearts.
Thanks for your comment.
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borntolie said:
Good to have you back Catie, and with a wonderful post too. I’ve thought a lot along similar lines sense my daughter came into my life…When I was younger I made being rude and upset basically an occupation, but at the same time I put up with a lot of crap from people. Now that I’m a little older (wiser is debatable, but I’d like to think so) I’m a lot more likely to start off civil and polite, but my tollerance for other people’s crap is very small. I think that’s a much better way to live, and something I’d like to try and show my daughter.
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Catie Rhodes said:
I am so glad you enjoyed this post. I try to avoid posting stuff like this because I figure people are more interested in hearing about movies, books, spooky stuff, and human monsters.
What you said really makes sense to me. When I was younger, I was more rude, but also put up with more crap. Nowadays, my crap tolerance meter is pretty low. I just don’t have the energy to entertain crap. I’ve caught myself several times lately running the other way when I see crap brewing.
You sound like you’re doing a good job parenting. Keep it up!
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borntolie said:
Thanks. Can’t speak for anyone else, but for me the occasional reflecting/human interest type post is good to break up the monotony that can build on just about any subject. I haven’t been following your blog for a terribly long time, but so far I’d say you have a good ratio.
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Julie Glover said:
I’ve learned to let more things go…about myself. A reformed perfectionist, I’ve had to learn that sometimes things are good enough.
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Jenny Hansen said:
Great lesson, Julie.
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Catie Rhodes said:
I’m a perfectionist, too. I expect the sun, moon, and stars of myself. It’s less than fun to make the admission that I will never be perfect…but the truth is I won’t ever be perfect. One thing I do at least once a day is express gratitude for what I have, and I name each thing I think is positive. It makes the world look a little brighter.
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Julie Glover said:
Well, I consider you to be a very positive person.
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Jenny Hansen said:
Love this post, Catie! I’m glad you decided to put it up today.
My biggest lesson was to let go of some of the worry and enjoy the journey. I’m not so patient underneath it all and I’d often give up too soon, rather than relax and enjoy the ride.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Oh, your lesson is a good one. I have always been in such a hurry to get where I’m going and to achieve what I want to achieve that I have often been guilty of not stopping to look around. And, like you, I can name tons of things where I gave up too soon…because I was in a hurry. Thanks for your comment.
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Patricia Yager Delagrange said:
Yippee for you writing such a personal post! I loved it. And that Stevie Nicks quote is just too true. I’ve become not only bolder in my old age ( I’m not admitting to what age that really means!), I’ve also become more honest. I grew up in a family where the truth was too far away from the actions and now I tell it like it is and it’s extraordinarily freeing and makes me feel good. And life goes by way too fast to waste my time on stuff that is crap.
Patti
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Catie Rhodes said:
I never hear “Landslide” without sort of tearing up. The sentiment behind the song is very poignant for me. I always flash back on less than great moments in my life and how I handled them.
Honesty is good. I think the number of years we’ve lived somehow erases our fear of saying what we think. I mean, in a hundred years, who is really going to care? LOL
As Stevie says, I’m getting older, too.
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Jenny Hansen said:
Landslide kinda wrecks me too – the Stevie Nicks’ version, not the Dixie Chicks’ version. Steve is so visceral in the way she sings it.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Absolutely. The Stevie Nicks version is the only one I’d cry to. LOL
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Jenny Hansen said:
LOL… You know you’re my kind of gal, Catie.
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donnagalanti said:
Lovely, sentimental post on the bitter and the sweet of our history. I look back at the many awful. embarrassing moments in my life and either laugh or still cringe. Either way, looking back it seems like I’m a character in my own life…that person isnt me anymore. It’s like watching someone in a movie. But whoever that person was – they helped shape who I am today. And you are right – getting older we can walk away from things easier, let go easier as we know the hard road if we dont and that life is too short. As for me I would have definitely been the nekkid person in the pool at Woodstock – now, not so much. LOL. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Catie!
And Stevie Nicks still rocks.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Even at 64, Stevie Nicks is still hot. There’s just something about her. She’s a fantastic singer and songwriter. There are so many of her songs that capture a moment in my life.
I know what you mean about looking back over past events and feeling like you’re watching someone in a movie. I actually cringe and feel my cheeks heat up at some of my memories. What a stupid little turd I was. But you’re right. Every road we took leads to the one we’re on right now. I would not be the person I am now if not for ____.
Thank for your comment!
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Natalie Hartford said:
LOVE this Catie. So beautifully said.
My biggest lesson in life is very similar to yours. Life doesn’t happen TO you…life is what you make it! So if you aren’t happy with your lot in life, stop complaining (hard one for me) and get off your ass and do something about it. No matter how easy or how hard…and don’t ever stop DOING!
BAM!
GREAT post!
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Catie Rhodes said:
Life sure the hell is what we make of it. And we choose to be happy (or not happy). I’ve found that I have a lot of control over how I perceive what’s going on in my life. And if it really is that bad, only one person can fix it–me!
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Stacy Green said:
Great lessons and posts, Catie. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff so much. I struggle with time passing so quickly, and nothing enhances that like being a mother. I wish I understood six years ago how fast it would go and how I didn’t need to get worked up about such stupid things.
Life is most definitely too short!
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Catie Rhodes said:
Time does pass quickly. It seems like such a short time ago that I was so young I didn’t have gray hairs or crow’s feet. And what gets me is knowing that time is gone forever. Because of that, it’s important to make sure we spend it the way we want to.
Thanks for commenting!
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susielindau said:
I am still learning! Wow! Great post and points Catie!
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Catie Rhodes said:
Glad you enjoyed it, Susie. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
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sandylrowland said:
Excellent post! I’m in this spot at the moment, working to let go of the things that aren’t mine to fix.
It’s a tough lesson for a control freak. I was programmed to clean up the disasters my parents made, that led to doing the same when others close to me screwed up.
As they say, ‘stick a fork in me because I’m done’.
The truth, I’m so done, I’m this side of singed shoe leather.
Let those who’ve made the mess clean it up. I have my own life to live, dreams to run after, and a career to create. Life is short and I mean to enjoy it.
No more taking on the world. It’s just not worth it.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Knowing–or admitting–when something isn’t yours to fix is a tough thing to do. I’ll think I’ve finally learned, and then I’ll catch myself jumping in where my help is neither needed or wanted.
Like you, I’ve let myself get pulled into drama that absolutely did not belong to me, and I let it eat me up. I love you what you said: I’m so done, I’m this side of singed shoe leather. LOL
Glad you enjoyed this post and thanks so much for commenting.
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William Simon said:
After reading your blog this morning, I cannot get this song out of my head:
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Catie Rhodes said:
I had never heard that before, but I think I got the gist of it because it made me want to listen to “Freebird.”
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Emma said:
Great post. I hate the guilt that follows a bad judgement decision, but you’re right. Decide what you learned from it and do things better next time round.
Life is definitely what we make it – something a lot us don’t always believe, myself included. It’s easier to complain that life is so unfair rather than go out and change it, but I’m working on it.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Making changes to make life better is hard to do! For one, It’s hard to know WHAT to change. Sometimes the thing that seems most obvious is not the thing that needs to go. It all takes practice, and I think we run out of time before we really master it. Thanks for commenting.
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alandhopewell said:
I’ve learned a lot, especially since becoming a husband / father three years ago, but the thing that I learned that’s saved me the most grief and damage control is this….
When that machine in my head comes up with that perfect, tailor-made, surgically sharp retort, the best thing to do is delete it.
There are few things worse than to see the light in another’s eyes that indicates you, die a little, for the sake of being witty.
Glad to have you back, girl.
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Catie Rhodes said:
I love that bit about the tailor-made-, surgically sharp retort. Those are so hard to resist, aren’t they? But the right thing to do to is delete it. I try to follow the advice in Matthew 7:12. It’s such a simple thing, but I am often guilty of forgetting it.
Thanks for sharing the Alan Parsons song. My husband loves their music. And they do have some neat stuff.
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Rich said:
I believe that the best lessons life has to offer are available only after we accept complete responsibility for ourselves. This includes every action, every emotion, and every flaw in our personalities. This is a self- awareness that differs from our egos that only serve to separate us from we can grow to be, but is rather a liberating knowledge that what we are and who we are, is our own doing. Now, knee deep in middle age, I find more reason to laugh, (mostly at myself) than to twist my emotions into a reaction that points a finger, or assumes a defensive posture. I am the sum of my choices. Today I am happy that I have chosen to read my favorite Blog! I am also very happy that you’re back Catie!
Thank you for todays post.
Rich-
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Catie Rhodes said:
Thanks for the kind welcome back, Rich. Your reply made me think about “Solid Rock” by Dire Straits. There’s a line in the song that says, “When you point your finger because your plan fell through, there are three more fingers pointing at you.” How true it is. But, boy, is it hard to get to the point where I can admit that. LOL
Thanks for stopping by.
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sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches. said:
Terrific post, Catie. And, welcome home.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Glad you enjoyed it, Sheri. And thanks.
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twbrown said:
Posts like this are one of the reasons I follow this blog. Very nice.
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Catie Rhodes said:
Thank you, Todd. What a nice compliment from a writer whose work I admire.
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Kassandra Lamb said:
Hey, Catie, a little late to the party but had to comment. I too am a perfectionist, or I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist. It makes those hard lessons particularly difficult to “bury and brick over” (love that image). But you’ve got it. Guilt is disabling unless you use it to learn from your mistakes and then move on.
The life lesson that makes me smile and shake my head at the same time is the paradox that as we mature, we let more “small stuff” go, and yet put up with less true crap!
Thanks for the great post!
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Catie Rhodes said:
I loved your comment, Kassandra. I am so glad you enjoyed the post. No worries on being late. Unless I’m overwhelmed, I answer all comments–even the late ones. It’s the perfectionist coming out in me.
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Karen McFarland said:
“Those hard lessons have taken a lot of the fight out of me. Each year that passes, I find less and less to get worked up over. It just isn’t worth my time and energy.”
Couldn’t agree more Catie. With every year that goes by and the older I get, I just can’t get worked up over the small stuff. So not worth it.
I think the hardest part for me is being mis-understood or when somebody judges you.
I really appreciate your post today. I can so relate and I’m right there with you girl! Thanks!